What am I doing?

Video Games...

What do they do for me? Distraction from reality, occupy my brain activities, drain my energies. They also are a meeting place of sorts between people: An alternative place to interact.

I've become increasingly dissatisfied with my gaming. They are great for awhile, each of them in their own way. They inspire me in some way, until the inevitable monotony sinks in. Where I realize I am not a unique part of the community, and there are millions of people out there doing exactly what I am doing.

I strive for uniqueness, but don't we all? Perhaps...

In these games I try to pick the alternative path, the path of the less chosen. Once down that path, I discover the others who have followed the same dream of uniqueness. At that point my interest wanes and I strive try another "unique" path, only to find futility and frustration. I'm trying to find the silver lining where there is none in these games.

My inner artist is fed like a junkie by these works of amazing creativity. I become inspired, amazed, and intrigued in these fantastic worlds. But, in the long run, all they have done is drain my own creative juices, filling my head with fantasy that will lead me nowhere.

I've got to figure out what the hell I want to do with the rest of my life. I've got to take responsibility for things, and not just bury my head in these illusions.

Fanatasy isn't a bad thing, but taking over my whole life is.

Been awhile since the last post. Been slumming in World of Warcraft of late, and burying myself in the PS2.

My buddy Ozymandious is trying to push me into doing my art stuff again. Well... prodding me to anyhow. I know its something I've gotta do for myself, but I'm really good at making excuses for myself.

I need a more... organized and hospitable environment to renew my creative talents. Been thinking through ideas to make this place more "art" friendly. Cleanliness, storage, lighting and workspace.

We'll see where this leads...

Depending on if I'm inspired tomorrow, I'll either visit Ikea or even the VAG(Vancouver Art Gallery) tomorrow.

Reunion Night

Showed up for my 11th year highschool reunion tonight.

Someone dropped the ball there eh? Actually, we were the first graduating class for our fine arts school, and we only had 40+ people in our grad class, with about another 50+ in the next years class. They combined the years, or it'd be a very small reunion. Very small had it just been our class. Out of the 40+ students of our grad class, only 15 showed up. Not so bad, the few people I didn't care to see show up, didn't, which made things easier.

Over the course of the night, my voice became a bit hoarse due to retelling my "story" of the past 11 years, and trying to talk over the ever increasing volume of the music for the "dance". We assumed they were trying to get people on the dancefloor, but only a few people did. Most people were just trying to catch up with each other and weren't interested in the dancing bit. Besides, the music jumped between 80's to 90's to 70's to 90's etc, making it a bit silly.

Besides the nitpicking, it was great to catch up with some of the people I remember from school, see where they've gone with their lives. Most are married, with kids, with few singles. Many look exactly as they did back then, some with a little more weight (me), some shockingly even looked younger. Typical reunion stories I guess.

Tomorrow, there is a BBQ in the local park, which I will probably show my face at for a bit, though I have to wake up before Noon, so that'll be a small stretch for me. (hehe)

The Short List

Things Needing Doing:

• Pick up tickets for High School Reunion (before Saturday)
• Focus my energies, less waste.
• Clean up the place. Kitchen, Floors, Patio.
• Figure out what to wear on Saturday
  

Funky Screens

Before I go, here are the two funky screenies I just downloaded in the past day and am currently swapping between. I'll try to link the sites below; though, I'm new to this "Hello" program I'm using to post these.

Get it Here


Get it Here

Screwy Day...

Tough day at work.

Well, it was stressful anyhow. One of those days where I try to fix something, and everything seems to fall apart in my hands. In the end I got things to work right, but it took way, way, way more time than it should have. I ended up finishing up about 2hrs past the end of my shift.

Though, I did make a 7-Eleven run afterwards, on my way home, which helped make things better.

Pepperoni, Chips, Slurpee and a Scratch Ticket.

Sugar, fat, and starch... MMMmmm... Stress food.

I did a lot of driving today, and I had a lot of time to think. I figured I should make a list of things I need to get done in my life. Yes, another one.

You see, when I can't get things off my mind, am inspired, or purely need to sleep, I like to make lists. I don't make them every day mind you, just every few weeks to a month. I've purchased numerous pads, and notebooks, purely to empty the contents of my head onto a page. Unfortunately, I've also filled the first few pages of the many sketchbooks I own with lists, which makes them even less desirable to draw/sketch in afterwards.

I also have issues with sketching, or doing art projects, but that is best saved for another blog session.

Enough of my rambling on, to "The List"!

Things I Need to Deal With in My Life

• Exercise - Find a routine of sorts that fits me, and stick to it!
• Food - I eat too much junk food, I need to eat healthy.
• Fat - I need to lose a lot of it and gain some muscle. (See above!)
• Organizing My Life - Schedule my life a bit better, too much wasted time.
• Organizing My Home - Clean and organize the crap in my house (such a mess). Perhaps get rid of a lot of things. Slap together a routine that perhaps even I could follow.
• Deal with Health Issues - Need the bumps on my head looked at (removed), need my eyes checked (small blurred scratch or something), need to harp on my dentist for that nightguard (nighttime teeth grinding), get a few teeth capped, visit a dermatologist for a few skin issues, maybe even visit a nutritionist?
• Career - Figure out where the heck I'm going. The job I have pays ok for what I do, but is in no way fulfilling, and push me internally to do my best and progress. More schooling, perhaps something in Visual Art, or Design areas.
• Unblock Myself - Creatively, and artistically I've been blocked for many years. I have a conte crayon drawing that has been sitting on my easel in my living room for two years. That being spawned out of stress and frustration.

I'll be sure to expand this list in the near future, or at the very least, make it a bit more specific in some areas.

Off to play a little RE:4 before I hit the sack.

I need a good bonk on the noggin...

Its 7am and I'm still awake.

These insomniatic habits are slowly killing me, day by day. I've gotta stop this crap.

Yesterday, I slept through the first third of my shift. Neither the phone or pager rang all day long. Easy day at work I guess, *sigh*.

Browsed the net, fiddled with my blog page a bit, and spent most of the time playing Resident Evil 4 on the Gamecube.

I wasted sooo much time...

Other than the wasting time part, I'm frankly amazed how good the game is. I'm not really used to playing "Shooter" games on a console, as I handle them much better on the PC with the good ol' keyboard and mouse. The only part I don't like, or rather I suck at, is the carnival style shooting gallery mini-game. I can't aim perfectly for crap with a controller.

*Stares blankly at the screen*... *blink* *blink*

Damnit, I don't feel tired enough to sleep...

Where Do I Start?

Guess this is where I put my obligatory "Why am I here?" post.

I'm going to try to use this place to put my thoughts in order, and as sort of a pushing off point. Pushing off my big ass that is.

I feel like I've had blinders on for many years, moving forward on a path of nothingness, always missing the upward path.

Anyhow I think that is good for now, I'll add more later.