What am I doing?

Video Games...

What do they do for me? Distraction from reality, occupy my brain activities, drain my energies. They also are a meeting place of sorts between people: An alternative place to interact.

I've become increasingly dissatisfied with my gaming. They are great for awhile, each of them in their own way. They inspire me in some way, until the inevitable monotony sinks in. Where I realize I am not a unique part of the community, and there are millions of people out there doing exactly what I am doing.

I strive for uniqueness, but don't we all? Perhaps...

In these games I try to pick the alternative path, the path of the less chosen. Once down that path, I discover the others who have followed the same dream of uniqueness. At that point my interest wanes and I strive try another "unique" path, only to find futility and frustration. I'm trying to find the silver lining where there is none in these games.

My inner artist is fed like a junkie by these works of amazing creativity. I become inspired, amazed, and intrigued in these fantastic worlds. But, in the long run, all they have done is drain my own creative juices, filling my head with fantasy that will lead me nowhere.

I've got to figure out what the hell I want to do with the rest of my life. I've got to take responsibility for things, and not just bury my head in these illusions.

Fanatasy isn't a bad thing, but taking over my whole life is.